I am in Melbourne already. Yeah, all these years I thought it'd be painful to be in a country with people you know but I was wrong. It's a lot easier and its funny how even though you know people, it can still be very lonely. But then again, maybe its just me? Because I seem to feel lonely every now and then.

Nearly a whole month has passed by and life in another country is interesting. It becomes a routine after a while since there aren't very many things to do and the city dies at 6pm the latest. Nothing is open except for your usual 24/7 Pie Faces and how could you forget, Crown Hotel.

So since no one reads my blog, I'll just ramble on about my own thoughts. How life really is....

Okay, It's not that great. I miss hanging out with my friends back home. I haven't really been able to share my thoughts with anyone like I used to be able to back home. Shah, if you ever read this, the number one person I miss the most. As a friend, you've impacted me beyond measures. No one is capable of just looking at me and being able to tell what I'm thinking. Or even when you may not get it, which is hardly likely, there's still some form of weird ass chemistry taking place. Our minds being blown over completely stupid ass shiz. And last but not least, how could I forget our freak out guy moments. I'll come back soon, Shah. All I ask is that you don't change and you don't forget me. Because I can't seem to find anyone who can even begin to try and replace you. And what hurts the most is that I hardly get to talk to you... But I know you're either at 7E or TBS or the CC having fun with the rest. So mama's still got a hold of you really :)

Shah, just because I never got the chance to really properly tell you these things, hear me out.

I thank you very much for all that you have done. All that you've told me that really moved me. You do everything out of the goodness of your own heart and I love that.

Shah, promise me when I settle down into my new apartment and get wifi and everything, you will skype call me?

I don't know who else I can talk to.

Anyways, Raz and I are going to watch the Arsenal vs Man U game later at Crown :) I'm looking forward to it.

yours truly, xx. ; 10:35 PM

It's been a while since I have actually blogged anything.

In the past year, I have learnt that you really are on this earth to make the world a better place not only for myself but for the others around you.

As I was reading my last post, I realized how different my mindset was back then.

I've grown up.

Now, I know I have a lot of more growing up to do but I'm glad I have come this far.

I turned eighteen this year.

I had a fantastic party with the people I love and now call my family.

They're an amazing bunch of friends who helped make me the person I am today. A girl with an actual genuine smile who wakes up everyday with a goal in life to help people all around the world. Emotionally of course.

This year itself I've saved two people's lives and met one of the most caring person I have ever met. Someone who really loves me for who I am. Someone who wants to put a smile on my face whenever possible. Someone who watches my back even when there isn't a need to. Someone who knows me and feels the pain I feel when I am sad not because of anything but because it hurts for him to see me sad. That's what I call LOVE.

Thing is though, what is love?

I have also made another big step in my life this year by applying to university. It doesn't sound like such a big thing really. Not even when I remember thinking about it six months ago. I thought it would be just like filling up any application form. This was until I realized how important this choice impacted my life.

Applying to Deakin Universtiy and RMIT in Melbourne was nothing compared to choosing which university offer to accept after getting conditional offers from both. I want be able to make sure that I won't make a decision I would regret later on. Then I start thinking to myself...

If I prayed and asked the Holy Spirit within me which University I should choose, I'd get an answer in a matter of seconds.

The dilemma is that the answer isn't the one I actually wanted.

So the next step in life is moving to another country. Away from my friends and my family whom I love so much to a country with distant friends and family. Can't say I'm complaining since others have it worse off than I do but it's still going to be scary. I have never really been alone away from my family since I was born. I'm gonna miss them.

I'll make a promise to everyone out there that I'll continue posting on my blog.

It's really been a while...

It doesn't end here.

yours truly, xx. ; 12:05 PM

Because I realized that I can never just be friends with you.

So you win.

But I'll live the rest of my life telling myself that you can never care about a person that much if you don't love them. So yeah, the reason I still care about you is because I still love you.

There you have it.

Keep lying to yourself. Keep telling yourself that there's everything wrong with me.

At the end of the day, I haven't done anything wrong but love you more and more everyday. That's probably a crime right there but I'll risk it.

Your ego gets the best of you all the time.

I'm walking away. Hoping you're looking at me.

I heard your cry. I can only hope you heard mine.

No, it's okay if you keep telling me you don't love me anymore. It can't hurt me anymore.

But I'm done caring for you. I can't do it anymore. I'm sitting down here thinking I've done just about everything to try and make you happy and even so, I've failed.

Good for you on trying to change your life. I'm only trying to be honest with myself.

Next time just let me walk away without turning back.

Please let me miss you, I already do.

I'll remember all the times I wanted you to listen to me. I was never heard.

I was never respected in the slightest way.

Yet, I kept telling myself you did it in your own little ways.

Those smiles. They were real. They were always real...

Now just forget everything I said, because it doesn't matter anymore.

You win.

The story ends.

yours truly, xx. ; 3:33 AM

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