Rest.

Writing this for what is to come. 

The world is currently still dealing with Covid-19, however ridiculously real that sounds. The year has had a lot going, yet hardly anything at all. Malaysia is currently dealing with CMCO (Conditional Movement Control Order), numbers are going up in Selangor but it is what it is. 

Gentle Reminder

This has now become my outlet for emotional expression.

So many things have happened in the last year or so that has made me question my worth, my value and my overall existence. Many times you hear people say, "don't spend your time with toxic people" or "Marie Kondo all the bad vibes and people in your life" and based on the several events in the past year, I've learned that people move on and I must too. I think that's one of the biggest things I've had to overcome.

So I'm just putting this out here to remind myself in future that sometimes, you need to let go. 

Peace, Light and Love Always

Have Good Vibes, send Good Vibes and receive Good Vibes.

I'm 27. In the year 2020. This should be a bigger deal than it is. But as much as everyone has started off their New Year with new goals, new lives, new journeys, I for one, have been doing new goals, new lives and new journeys for a while now. And I wanted something different. Different is what I asked for, and it is what I got.

When the clock stroked 12am on 2020, I was deep in the heart of KL with new friends I had made sometime in December from a music festival I was at. If anyone knew me, they'd have known this is not what I usually do. I spend my new years with family and friends that I hold dear to me.
This year, I just wanted things to be different. I think that's what everyone wants for this year. For things to be different.

I'm writing this so that when I do look back on this in many years to come, I'll remember this year. The year we thought we had in the bag. But this year will forever be known as the year the world saw a pandemic happen right before our eyes.

We got news of this virus spreading sometime last year. The Corona Virus was in many ways a joke, at the beginning. Mainly because it spread from some Chinese people who eat exotic animals from Wuhan. Chinese eat many things, and unfortunately, will continue to eat exotic animals if they could help it. But this virus had been known to have come from Wuhan. This virus spreads to kill and it does so very quickly. Soon enough, many were dying in China and Wuhan had a lock down. Meanwhile, the rest of the world was just monitoring it from afar not realizing how extremely crazy this virus is. 

It's April, 2020 now and for the past 4 weeks, Malaysia has been in MCO (Movement Constricted Order). A lot has changed since. All non essential companies are working from home, schools and universities are closed, restaurants have been told to shut early. The whole world is being affected by this. But here, as i'm typing this. I can't help but realize how calm and peaceful this world has become, or has returned to. The Earth is healing and I'm all for it. 

Now, I for one know being at home isn't easy. I leave the house to escape as I'm sure many do as well. Having said that, I think I've kind of gotten used to this way of living. I sure as hell have saved a lot of money. I eat less although I've heard otherwise from friends and their habits. But also, I get to spend a lot of time with my family which, I suppose, is either can be a really amazing or really annoying at times. Luckily my kitten, Beanie, who's now almost 6 months old keeps me sane. 

This MCO is going to last a while, affecting our jobs, projects and lives, testing everyone's sanity. But the reason I write this, other than to read back on this many years from now, is to also remind myself how very very fortunate I am, to be sitting here on a Friday afternoon, typing this. I'm healthy, blessed with a roof over my head and money in my savings account to last years even if this pandemic lasts that long. And really, the only way to curb this, is to stay put. I'm glad to say that this is by far the easiest thing to do. 

So, Sam, continue to stay healthy, to love yourself, and put your mental health first.

Have Good Vibes, send Good Vibes and receive Good Vibes too. 💜

LG

It's 2015 and Life's Good, just like the brand of TV that's in my room.

So what's new?
My grandmother passed away on the 13th of March. Aunt and Uncle came down the Sunday before and my parents and I were in Macau, which was already planned so we went with it.

The last time I wrote here, I had just started my degree and I'm proud to say I've finished it on time ;]. Lots has happened since I left to Melbourne and came back. Nothing is more exciting than to announce that I still have my one and only, Razlan Rizal with me by my side every step of the way. It's been 3 years and abit since we've been together, 1276 days to be exact and life's great. Sad to say he's back in Melbourne without me now which sucks big time but skype makes this a lot easier. Oh and I just bought tickets recently to celebrate our fourth year together at Lombok, Indonesia; and what's even better is knowing that Lee, Esh, Val, John are coming with us!

Hm what else... I've started working in dad's company and am enjoying it too. Working life is so much better than studying, I don't know what people are talking about when they say studying is better.

I'll write more this year, I promise. Though there may not be any readers but this is fun. I read my first blog post right before this and I've just grown so much. It's been about nine years since this blog has been alive and I'm just happy I remembered the password to this account.

Also, I still can get high on sprite but it's just not that effective anymore...

Till then..
xx. S.

Melbourne

Not that I have many readers but guess what Readers? :)

I am in Melbourne already. Yeah, all these years I thought it'd be painful to be in a country with people you know but I was wrong. It's a lot easier and its funny how even though you know people, it can still be very lonely. But then again, maybe its just me? Because I seem to feel lonely every now and then.

Nearly a whole month has passed by and life in another country is interesting. It becomes a routine after a while since there aren't very many things to do and the city dies at 6pm the latest. Nothing is open except for your usual 24/7 Pie Faces and how could you forget, Crown Hotel.

So since no one reads my blog, I'll just ramble on about my own thoughts. How life really is....

Okay, It's not that great. I miss hanging out with my friends back home. I haven't really been able to share my thoughts with anyone like I used to be able to back home. Shah, if you ever read this, the number one person I miss the most. As a friend, you've impacted me beyond measures. No one is capable of just looking at me and being able to tell what I'm thinking. Or even when you may not get it, which is hardly likely, there's still some form of weird ass chemistry taking place. Our minds being blown over completely stupid ass shiz. And last but not least, how could I forget our freak out guy moments. I'll come back soon, Shah. All I ask is that you don't change and you don't forget me. Because I can't seem to find anyone who can even begin to try and replace you. And what hurts the most is that I hardly get to talk to you... But I know you're either at 7E or TBS or the CC having fun with the rest. So mama's still got a hold of you really :)

Shah, just because I never got the chance to really properly tell you these things, hear me out.

I thank you very much for all that you have done. All that you've told me that really moved me. You do everything out of the goodness of your own heart and I love that.

Shah, promise me when I settle down into my new apartment and get wifi and everything, you will skype call me?

I don't know who else I can talk to.

Anyways, Raz and I are going to watch the Arsenal vs Man U game later at Crown :) I'm looking forward to it.

It's been a while since I have actually blogged anything.

In the past year, I have learnt that you really are on this earth to make the world a better place not only for myself but for the others around you.

As I was reading my last post, I realized how different my mindset was back then.

I've grown up.

Now, I know I have a lot of more growing up to do but I'm glad I have come this far.

I turned eighteen this year.

I had a fantastic party with the people I love and now call my family.

They're an amazing bunch of friends who helped make me the person I am today. A girl with an actual genuine smile who wakes up everyday with a goal in life to help people all around the world. Emotionally of course.

This year itself I've saved two people's lives and met one of the most caring person I have ever met. Someone who really loves me for who I am. Someone who wants to put a smile on my face whenever possible. Someone who watches my back even when there isn't a need to. Someone who knows me and feels the pain I feel when I am sad not because of anything but because it hurts for him to see me sad. That's what I call LOVE.

Thing is though, what is love?

I have also made another big step in my life this year by applying to university. It doesn't sound like such a big thing really. Not even when I remember thinking about it six months ago. I thought it would be just like filling up any application form. This was until I realized how important this choice impacted my life.

It really IS a BIG DEAL.

Applying to Deakin Universtiy and RMIT in Melbourne was nothing compared to choosing which university offer to accept after getting conditional offers from both. I want be able to make sure that I won't make a decision I would regret later on. Then I start thinking to myself...

If I prayed and asked the Holy Spirit within me which University I should choose, I'd get an answer in a matter of seconds.

The dilemma is that the answer isn't the one I actually wanted.

So the next step in life is moving to another country. Away from my friends and my family whom I love so much to a country with distant friends and family. Can't say I'm complaining since others have it worse off than I do but it's still going to be scary. I have never really been alone away from my family since I was born. I'm gonna miss them.

I'll make a promise to everyone out there that I'll continue posting on my blog.

It's really been a while...

It doesn't end here.

Because I realized that I can never just be friends with you.

So you win.

But I'll live the rest of my life telling myself that you can never care about a person that much if you don't love them. So yeah, the reason I still care about you is because I still love you.

There you have it.

Keep lying to yourself. Keep telling yourself that there's everything wrong with me.

At the end of the day, I haven't done anything wrong but love you more and more everyday. That's probably a crime right there but I'll risk it.

Your ego gets the best of you all the time.

I'm walking away. Hoping you're looking at me.

I heard your cry. I can only hope you heard mine.

No, it's okay if you keep telling me you don't love me anymore. It can't hurt me anymore.

But I'm done caring for you. I can't do it anymore. I'm sitting down here thinking I've done just about everything to try and make you happy and even so, I've failed.

Good for you on trying to change your life. I'm only trying to be honest with myself.

Next time just let me walk away without turning back.

Please let me miss you, I already do.

I'll remember all the times I wanted you to listen to me. I was never heard.

I was never respected in the slightest way.

Yet, I kept telling myself you did it in your own little ways.

Those smiles. They were real. They were always real...

Now just forget everything I said, because it doesn't matter anymore.

You win.

The story ends.

Things have been going pretty good. I've been studying til my brains die. I miss Kieran still. I absolutely hate his college.

So Chinese New Year's been great so far. I miss Kieran so goddamn much and its valentine's day. Singapore's stupid like that. Okay, so its not very much of me to say too since we're not really celebrating valentine's day. Visiting my relatives has been quite fun. I think people are very generous this year. I didn't meet a lot of people this year but I'm waiting for my birthday to turn up. MORE angpaus ;D! yay.

Its great having your birthday during the 14 days of Chinese New Year.

TUESDAY COME QUICKER HURRY UP!

Oh, Happy Valentine's Day Spongecake. kthxbai.

This movie wasn't that bad, it was just very predictable.
But I loved the fact that i could monkey business my way through the movie with Kieran.

I love you too.

Bottom line is, Its not that great a show.

So I guess I've crossed out getting a boyfriend who's actually in Malaysia off my new year's resolution now (:

How interesting just a week after I posted that resulotion, I got it.
If only that were so easy with my studies. I feel like I really should just stop procrastinating so much and just bloody get myself into the freaking books even if it kills the living daylights outta me.

Is there a machine where one can inject knowledge into your brain? Cause I would like to contact that person who would do sucha thing for me. That'd be just great.

Oh, Lord.

I have a boyfriend.

<3

thats all. ;)

Happy New Year World (:

its finally the next decade and i'll be turning 17 this year. how wicked is that! I spent the new year watching the fireworks with my parents. I don't regret not going to church because I wanted to be with my parents. I did miss the SOTIAN hangout but nothing can replace the time I got to spend with my parents.

New Year's Resolutions?

1. Learn to be more patient.
2. Study very very hard for my exams.
3. Pass my driving exam.
4. Try not to go against my parents so much.
5. Get a boyfriend who's actually IN MALAYSIA.

Today is the last day of the year.

I don't know whether to feel excited or to feel extremely sad its over. People say never look back at the past but concentrate on the future. I'm stuck in the middle because my 2009 has been the best year of my entire life. A lot of my dreams came true this year..

I got to mark out a lot on my wish list this year. Funny thing was, it all happened this year. The Goods. The BADS. The bads i'm not going to say. The goods... well, I crossed out being in a musical, going to australia, kissing under the rain. The one thing i haven't accomplished is writing a song before the end of the year. Mom would give me a hundred ringgit if I did though. I didn't have the time or the inspiration.

What I did have was the inspiration to pick up my violin again and start playing it for hours... Its not really something I thought I'd ever see myself doing at all. Not in a long long time anyways. Oh, I also called a violin teacher today. She teaches at this music school in Aman Suria. I'm really excited!

I'm also going to get straight A's for my IGCSE's and pass my driving exam the first time. I'm going to try and do my grade 8 violin exam but that's going to happen mostly after my O levels. I'm going to get into the International College of Hotel Management - YTL in the year of 2011 and do a two +1 year degree course of which I'll have to fly to Adelaide or Melbourne to study. I'll graduate university at the age of 21. Thats my goal. I was disappointed in myself in not finishing highschool this year but thats okayy...

The other thing would be, I wish I could kiss that guy at midnight later. Heh, fat chance he's even thinking of me right now..

OH, AND I CUT MY HAIR JUST NOW TOO. What a way to end the year, Samantha. You finally cut your hair.. It wasn't easy though. I was so worried about how Aunty Sally would cut it. I was freaking out. Its very much straighter now. No more curls and not so much layers.. I look younger. EW.

Anyways, this is me, signing off 2009 and writing a new contract for 2010.

I LOVE YOU ALL & GOODNIGHT. <3

The Season Of The Year saved 467 souls. I'm very proud of all of you SOTIANS. We did this and we did this together. And God was behind us all the way..

THE SHOW IS FREAKING TOMORROW !!! <3

It doesn't feel like Christmas is near. I feel like i've lost the feelings for christmas.

WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME!?!?!

HO HO HO. It`s Dezember!

How exciting! I don't feel like its near Christmas. I really don't. I, as usual, haven't done very much Christmas shopping. Or card making. Or, made any other plans than performing for SIB KL. =]

I think that's a really good Christmas present if you asked me.

Christmas @ the park is soon! homygod. Its soon! shit, are we ready for a promo show?

goddamnit i hope so.

Dear 2010, I don't care what energy vibes the earth gives and takes but I want those straight A's.

I want to be able to say I don't ever have to study my text books ever again like the rest of my seventeen year old friends.

love,

yours truly.

On this day, a year ago, I was a different person. With different views on everything. I didn't know a lot of things. I was still naive. I was living an odd number age. ;p I had a boyfriend. I wasn't so freaked about about my exams. Basically, I lived life differently than I do now.

Right now, I can say that I go to church regularly. I try not to mix around with people who are a complete bad influence into my life. I've learnt to be quieter. I have been single for almost 7 months. I'm in a freaking MUSICAL ;D! I play the violin more often than I have ever played in my life. I plan to take my grade 8. I'll be turning 17 soon. (:

I have a wonderful God. <3

I hardly want this year to end. This has been like, the best year ever. EVER I TELL YOU. <3

I can officially say that at the age of sixteen, I've crossed off 4 or 5 things on my list of things to do before I die. And thats pretty good. Seeing as I don't make easy goals. (: