It's been a while since I have actually blogged anything.

In the past year, I have learnt that you really are on this earth to make the world a better place not only for myself but for the others around you.

As I was reading my last post, I realized how different my mindset was back then.

I've grown up.

Now, I know I have a lot of more growing up to do but I'm glad I have come this far.

I turned eighteen this year.

I had a fantastic party with the people I love and now call my family.

They're an amazing bunch of friends who helped make me the person I am today. A girl with an actual genuine smile who wakes up everyday with a goal in life to help people all around the world. Emotionally of course.

This year itself I've saved two people's lives and met one of the most caring person I have ever met. Someone who really loves me for who I am. Someone who wants to put a smile on my face whenever possible. Someone who watches my back even when there isn't a need to. Someone who knows me and feels the pain I feel when I am sad not because of anything but because it hurts for him to see me sad. That's what I call LOVE.

Thing is though, what is love?

I have also made another big step in my life this year by applying to university. It doesn't sound like such a big thing really. Not even when I remember thinking about it six months ago. I thought it would be just like filling up any application form. This was until I realized how important this choice impacted my life.

It really IS a BIG DEAL.

Applying to Deakin Universtiy and RMIT in Melbourne was nothing compared to choosing which university offer to accept after getting conditional offers from both. I want be able to make sure that I won't make a decision I would regret later on. Then I start thinking to myself...

If I prayed and asked the Holy Spirit within me which University I should choose, I'd get an answer in a matter of seconds.

The dilemma is that the answer isn't the one I actually wanted.

So the next step in life is moving to another country. Away from my friends and my family whom I love so much to a country with distant friends and family. Can't say I'm complaining since others have it worse off than I do but it's still going to be scary. I have never really been alone away from my family since I was born. I'm gonna miss them.

I'll make a promise to everyone out there that I'll continue posting on my blog.

It's really been a while...

It doesn't end here.

Because I realized that I can never just be friends with you.

So you win.

But I'll live the rest of my life telling myself that you can never care about a person that much if you don't love them. So yeah, the reason I still care about you is because I still love you.

There you have it.

Keep lying to yourself. Keep telling yourself that there's everything wrong with me.

At the end of the day, I haven't done anything wrong but love you more and more everyday. That's probably a crime right there but I'll risk it.

Your ego gets the best of you all the time.

I'm walking away. Hoping you're looking at me.

I heard your cry. I can only hope you heard mine.

No, it's okay if you keep telling me you don't love me anymore. It can't hurt me anymore.

But I'm done caring for you. I can't do it anymore. I'm sitting down here thinking I've done just about everything to try and make you happy and even so, I've failed.

Good for you on trying to change your life. I'm only trying to be honest with myself.

Next time just let me walk away without turning back.

Please let me miss you, I already do.

I'll remember all the times I wanted you to listen to me. I was never heard.

I was never respected in the slightest way.

Yet, I kept telling myself you did it in your own little ways.

Those smiles. They were real. They were always real...

Now just forget everything I said, because it doesn't matter anymore.

You win.

The story ends.