It's been a while since I have actually blogged anything.

In the past year, I have learnt that you really are on this earth to make the world a better place not only for myself but for the others around you.

As I was reading my last post, I realized how different my mindset was back then.

I've grown up.

Now, I know I have a lot of more growing up to do but I'm glad I have come this far.

I turned eighteen this year.

I had a fantastic party with the people I love and now call my family.

They're an amazing bunch of friends who helped make me the person I am today. A girl with an actual genuine smile who wakes up everyday with a goal in life to help people all around the world. Emotionally of course.

This year itself I've saved two people's lives and met one of the most caring person I have ever met. Someone who really loves me for who I am. Someone who wants to put a smile on my face whenever possible. Someone who watches my back even when there isn't a need to. Someone who knows me and feels the pain I feel when I am sad not because of anything but because it hurts for him to see me sad. That's what I call LOVE.

Thing is though, what is love?

I have also made another big step in my life this year by applying to university. It doesn't sound like such a big thing really. Not even when I remember thinking about it six months ago. I thought it would be just like filling up any application form. This was until I realized how important this choice impacted my life.

It really IS a BIG DEAL.

Applying to Deakin Universtiy and RMIT in Melbourne was nothing compared to choosing which university offer to accept after getting conditional offers from both. I want be able to make sure that I won't make a decision I would regret later on. Then I start thinking to myself...

If I prayed and asked the Holy Spirit within me which University I should choose, I'd get an answer in a matter of seconds.

The dilemma is that the answer isn't the one I actually wanted.

So the next step in life is moving to another country. Away from my friends and my family whom I love so much to a country with distant friends and family. Can't say I'm complaining since others have it worse off than I do but it's still going to be scary. I have never really been alone away from my family since I was born. I'm gonna miss them.

I'll make a promise to everyone out there that I'll continue posting on my blog.

It's really been a while...

It doesn't end here.

Because I realized that I can never just be friends with you.

So you win.

But I'll live the rest of my life telling myself that you can never care about a person that much if you don't love them. So yeah, the reason I still care about you is because I still love you.

There you have it.

Keep lying to yourself. Keep telling yourself that there's everything wrong with me.

At the end of the day, I haven't done anything wrong but love you more and more everyday. That's probably a crime right there but I'll risk it.

Your ego gets the best of you all the time.

I'm walking away. Hoping you're looking at me.

I heard your cry. I can only hope you heard mine.

No, it's okay if you keep telling me you don't love me anymore. It can't hurt me anymore.

But I'm done caring for you. I can't do it anymore. I'm sitting down here thinking I've done just about everything to try and make you happy and even so, I've failed.

Good for you on trying to change your life. I'm only trying to be honest with myself.

Next time just let me walk away without turning back.

Please let me miss you, I already do.

I'll remember all the times I wanted you to listen to me. I was never heard.

I was never respected in the slightest way.

Yet, I kept telling myself you did it in your own little ways.

Those smiles. They were real. They were always real...

Now just forget everything I said, because it doesn't matter anymore.

You win.

The story ends.

Things have been going pretty good. I've been studying til my brains die. I miss Kieran still. I absolutely hate his college.

So Chinese New Year's been great so far. I miss Kieran so goddamn much and its valentine's day. Singapore's stupid like that. Okay, so its not very much of me to say too since we're not really celebrating valentine's day. Visiting my relatives has been quite fun. I think people are very generous this year. I didn't meet a lot of people this year but I'm waiting for my birthday to turn up. MORE angpaus ;D! yay.

Its great having your birthday during the 14 days of Chinese New Year.

TUESDAY COME QUICKER HURRY UP!

Oh, Happy Valentine's Day Spongecake. kthxbai.

This movie wasn't that bad, it was just very predictable.
But I loved the fact that i could monkey business my way through the movie with Kieran.

I love you too.

Bottom line is, Its not that great a show.

So I guess I've crossed out getting a boyfriend who's actually in Malaysia off my new year's resolution now (:

How interesting just a week after I posted that resulotion, I got it.
If only that were so easy with my studies. I feel like I really should just stop procrastinating so much and just bloody get myself into the freaking books even if it kills the living daylights outta me.

Is there a machine where one can inject knowledge into your brain? Cause I would like to contact that person who would do sucha thing for me. That'd be just great.

Oh, Lord.

I have a boyfriend.

<3

thats all. ;)

Happy New Year World (:

its finally the next decade and i'll be turning 17 this year. how wicked is that! I spent the new year watching the fireworks with my parents. I don't regret not going to church because I wanted to be with my parents. I did miss the SOTIAN hangout but nothing can replace the time I got to spend with my parents.

New Year's Resolutions?

1. Learn to be more patient.
2. Study very very hard for my exams.
3. Pass my driving exam.
4. Try not to go against my parents so much.
5. Get a boyfriend who's actually IN MALAYSIA.

Today is the last day of the year.

I don't know whether to feel excited or to feel extremely sad its over. People say never look back at the past but concentrate on the future. I'm stuck in the middle because my 2009 has been the best year of my entire life. A lot of my dreams came true this year..

I got to mark out a lot on my wish list this year. Funny thing was, it all happened this year. The Goods. The BADS. The bads i'm not going to say. The goods... well, I crossed out being in a musical, going to australia, kissing under the rain. The one thing i haven't accomplished is writing a song before the end of the year. Mom would give me a hundred ringgit if I did though. I didn't have the time or the inspiration.

What I did have was the inspiration to pick up my violin again and start playing it for hours... Its not really something I thought I'd ever see myself doing at all. Not in a long long time anyways. Oh, I also called a violin teacher today. She teaches at this music school in Aman Suria. I'm really excited!

I'm also going to get straight A's for my IGCSE's and pass my driving exam the first time. I'm going to try and do my grade 8 violin exam but that's going to happen mostly after my O levels. I'm going to get into the International College of Hotel Management - YTL in the year of 2011 and do a two +1 year degree course of which I'll have to fly to Adelaide or Melbourne to study. I'll graduate university at the age of 21. Thats my goal. I was disappointed in myself in not finishing highschool this year but thats okayy...

The other thing would be, I wish I could kiss that guy at midnight later. Heh, fat chance he's even thinking of me right now..

OH, AND I CUT MY HAIR JUST NOW TOO. What a way to end the year, Samantha. You finally cut your hair.. It wasn't easy though. I was so worried about how Aunty Sally would cut it. I was freaking out. Its very much straighter now. No more curls and not so much layers.. I look younger. EW.

Anyways, this is me, signing off 2009 and writing a new contract for 2010.

I LOVE YOU ALL & GOODNIGHT. <3

The Season Of The Year saved 467 souls. I'm very proud of all of you SOTIANS. We did this and we did this together. And God was behind us all the way..